


Goodbye Love

by aswonder



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Stucky - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-23
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-08-10 14:05:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7847995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aswonder/pseuds/aswonder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky would do anything to see that smile again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodbye Love

**Author's Note:**

> This is an idea I got a coupe of days ago, and got to torture a friend with while I wrote it. Hope it brings everyone the pain and sadness I'm hoping for.   
> To help you picture it: Bucky is post WS, but with less of a year gap. Steve is a normal person, somewhere in between skinny!Steve and Captain in body physique.

Darkness. Slash of light through the slightly cracked open window. Stillness. James Buchanan Barnes, the Winter Soldier, a ghost that wasn't meant to be alive still. He had survived that fall, somehow. Unfortunately. The people that found him, unconscious, had taken him, "fixed" him. A metal arm and a kill count higher than the number of years he's been alive. That... That was the past.

It had been so long since he'd seen the Steve he only vaguely remembered. With all the "work" Zola and his team had done, James hardly remembered anything... Before or after. His memories were slipping back in, with the help of Steve. Steve... Didn't know he was helping James. Didn't know he was alive.

Steve looked almost the same as he had before: from "googling" his name (whatever Google was), he found that Steven Grant Rogers had become a high ranking officer, still thick as a twig. His brilliance had shown through, thank god, and kept him out of the path of most bullets. From what he could tell, Steve had... Left the army. Left the year after Bucky had fallen off the train. Shit. Even so, he had managed to become "a beefcake with power", as one website had described. He didn't understand the first word, but with its number of "notes", it didn't seem to be a popular opinion (at least, that's what Bucky could tell). Bucky was...

Steve Rogers wouldn't recognize his Bucky Barnes. Bucky Barnes now had long, shoulder length hair. He had a metal arm just barely hidden by his sleeves. He was silent. He didn't smile the smile imprinted in Steve's heart. He simply sat at the back of the coffee shop that Steve worked at. Didn't talk. He ordered a black coffee to try and make it slightly less suspicious when he stared at the man Steve had become for at least an hour every day. Steve, ever the kindest man on the earth, gave him a smile every day and never told him to stop, so he didn't.

Bucky realized he was already at the shop. He hadn't remembered leaving his shabby apartment. Steve was here every day, and every day, "Bucky" came back to look at him, hoping that he would remember just one more thing. His childhood friend would do something, anything, and sometimes it sparked a memory. From before. From before, when Steve and Bucky were inseparable, never away from each other's sides. The last day, the blonde had began sketching something, on a napkin, and suddenly Bucky was back in their teenager years, when Bucky had agreed to Steve's joking "You should let me draw you, amazing physique and all, perfect for studying anatomy."

He gasped quietly, accidentally hitting his cup. It teetered precariously, fell before even the Winter Soldier's fast reflexes (though, admittedly, slightly dulled by remembering) could catch it. A loud crash filled the mostly empty space, and before he could run, Rogers came over. He got a kind smile, watching in a slight degree of shock as the barista crouched down and mopped up the spilled coffee with a murmured "it's fine, you aren't in trouble, don't worry." 

James watched him silently, confused and sad. Steve was feet away. All he had to do was open his mouth, and he could be back with Steve. Fuck. Tomorrow. James would do it tomorrow. He broke out his gravelly voice to say a quiet "thank you" and "sorry". He couldn't take it anymore, seeing him every day and getting the tease of his kind smile and those baby blues focusing solely on him. His resolve hardened: tomorrow would be the day.

\---------------

Closed. What? This shop was never closed. Sure, it wasn't a Starbucks, it was owned by one of Steve's friends (James had, yesterday, somehow remembered the account information for Facebook, and had looked through Steve's account. Bucky Barnes was in a friend group labeled "Family (I mean, basically)"), but the shop hadn't been closed once in the month that he'd been going. It was open every day, without change. Something was wrong. He felt a twinge in his gut, and he knew it wasn't a good sign.

Feeling worry and fear slowly begin to crawl up his spine, James practically ran to the library, where he had been using their computers. He quickly moved to the last row, in the corner, thoughts not even pausing on the fact that his back was to the door, unprotected. As he waited for the slow computer to load Facebook, his nerves mounted quickly. The first place he could think to check was the coffee shop's page. Groaning under his breath when it took a full minute to load, the sound was cut off sharply as he read "closed today because of Steve..."

Frantically, he clicked the link that followed the words. James could hear himself beginning to hyperventilate, but couldn't bring himself to care. The soldier could feel eyes on him as his panic crescendoed, but honestly had no shits to give. His eyes began reading the first lines, and he could already feel tears sliding down his face. "For everyone that isnt already in the know... Steve passed away yesterday." Fuck. No. This couldn't be real. Clint was one of his best friends, but... He had to be lying.

As James read more, though, his thoughts told him that this was too realistic to be true. It said that Steve had died trying to save a dog that had nearly gotten run over. It was so... Steve. At least, the Steve he kn- had known. The completely unrealistic side of his mind pushed that it was a joke. It swore that Steve's lungs hadn't been crushed. It shouted that Steve Rogers, his only friend (possibly more, he wasn't completely sure) in the entire world wasn't dead...

Bucky Barnes was now to the point of silently sobbing, not feeling the looks of pity given by the other patrons. And then... Then he read the next couple of lines: "Um, A lot of people have asked him and his friends why he never dated anyone... God, Steve deserved so much better. Shit. Well, the reason he never seemed interested in anyone, man or woman, is because he already had his heart taken. It was probably stupid, someone prob shouldve tried to talk him out of it, but god, try to look at that blinding smile of his w a tear in the corner of his eye and tell him to stop. Steve was in love with his childhood best friend. Ever since buck died... Man, for the first year he hardly came out f the apartment. Finally, he told Sam that he had loved the guy, still did. I think we all knew that his heart belonged to buck, even if he never shared the fact." 

The poor spelling seemed to heighten how devastating the news was. Even the person telling everyone the news couldn't type properly. Bucky was a mess. Fully sobbing now, his few memories coming forward to remind him of what he had missed, what he could have had. Stabs of pain coursed through him, unyielding. A librarian had, when his sounds had picked up, come to ask him to leave, but reading the news over his shoulder, she let him be. James, for once, didn't notice anyone approaching him. Honestly, he wished someone would attack, so he could stop feeling this.

As he read the last lines of the post, he felt his heart fully and completely shatter, a gross sob leaving him. "Rest in Peace, Steve. I hope you finally get to tell Bucky you love him, and you get that kiss you always wanted." He could feel himself slowly abandoning everything he knew of trying to act normal, to not be the Winter Soldier. "The Asset does not feel!" He whispered desperately to himself, feeling tears begin dripping down his face even faster. He had to... Had to go. These last thoughts made him quickly close the tab, leaving the library in a rush. His feet were on auto pilot, running to the only place he could think of going, when he couldn't think of anything else. 

His training as the perfect soldier kicked in as he quickly scaled the somewhat older apartment building in Brooklyn, climbing into what he knew was Steve's apartment. Seconds later, he broke the latch on the window, landing ungracefully in the room that... Wasn't empty. The guy that owned the coffee shop had a bow and arrow aimed directly at his head, and the redhead had a gun in the same place. James slowly registered that, for one, at least coffee shop guy had more than one job, perhaps not one he could talk about freely. Secondly, he imagined how much of a wreck he looked: tear tracks down his face, long hair clinging to it, breathing heavily.

"S-Steve... Came to... I don't know..." He said quietly, trailing off as he realized he couldn't explain why exactly he had come. He used his left hand to pull the long strands back, and that seemed to register with redhead. The woman nudged coffee owners shoulder, lowering her gun. "Go ahead, Bucky." she said quietly, motioning to a closer door down a hallway. He saw shock on coffee's face, hearing them talking to each other as he left, but ignored it completely. 

James, feeling more like Bucky than ever, opened the door and felt another sob crawl out. His eyes roved over the simple room, locking onto a picture from long ago of himself and Steve, hugging and laughing. Making a noise like a wounded animal, he crawled onto the bed, inhaling. Steve. More memories flooded back as tears spilled again.

Steve and himself laying close in the cold New York winters, Steve and the joy in his expression when Bucky had bought him a new set of pencils when they were low on money, Steve giving him a blinding smile and hearty laugh for saying the dumbest things. Bucky would do anything to see that smile again. 

Steve had survived so many fights, both on the battlefield and off. He had survived his bad heart, his bad lungs, his bad everything... And... This was how he...

**Author's Note:**

> This is the post he read (click and skim at least, It took nearly two hours to make!):  
> http://www.classtools.net/FB/1824-bTsuTT


End file.
